Dear brothers and sisters, my name is Fabienne and I come from France. I am 48 (forty-eight) years old. I have written 5 booklets related to my conversion. They all have the imprimatur and the nihil obstat of the Catholic Church. Besides, on my web site, you can read my interview with Bishop René Laurentin, Prelate with the Holy Father, His Holiness Benedict 16th (sixteenth). God has given me such joy by allowing me to live and share with you my testimony that is His Will, so that my brothers and sisters who have maybe known the same life as I can realize that they need graces from God as He himself has granted me his graces of trust, obedience and surrender. God waited for me for a long time and it is with His graces that I resurrected. I had to die in His mercy and live His mercy.
So, I will tell my story of love with Jesus:
My parents had me baptized on May 3 1964, a few days after my birth. I followed all the catechism courses and I made my private and solemn communion and mother taught me to pray the Our Father and Hail Mary before going to bed.
Between the ages of 15 and eighteen, I took a few courses in tourism at Montpellier. On Wednesday afternoons, we were free to go out and that is where my life took a turn. With buddies I started to steal in stores, and to get interested with men, to go to bars. In order to do like the others, I began smoking then smoke more and more, up to two packages a day. Having totally abandoned the Church and therefore my God of love, I began to listen to the Devil who dragged me into impurity. So I took on some lovers, the pill, I began hitch hiking to go to beaches to show off topless.
When I came home on the weekends, I would go to meet a lady whose first name is Laure who showed me how to read cards, all kinds of tarot cards. I also wrote to an astrologer so as to know my future and I received my astral reading that propelled me into a spiritual distress because the future that he drew was quite sad! So I fell into an endless anguish and I could not live without reading the cards every day or going to see a mind reader in order to be reassured.
After my baccalaureate, I did Secretarial Studies then I was very quickly offered a position as Executive Secretary. I remained there for a few months until they found a replacement and then I found myself unemployed.
So I was now in a period of idleness. I contacted my neighbour who had friends. His friends, for the most part were homosexuals and little by little I was dragged into going to nightclubs. And there I began to want to please others. Mini skirts, expensive outfits, heavy makeup, lots of cigarettes. So I was now starting to have a lot of fun. From one club to another, I began to let loose, then to sway the hips to unorthodox music. If you could have seen my demeanor at that time, it was terrible!
One of my little friends, proposed drugs to me. I say one because, at that time, I had many friends at the same time.
Not wanting to seem too dumb, I pretended to act like someone who always smoked hash and the first time, I went to it wholeheartedly and a few minutes later I no longer knew where I was and I felt so bad that I had the impression I no longer was on earth but in a dark place in another world. Panic struck! Fortunately I was not alone! After a few hours, I calmed down and on a daily basis, I continued smoking hashish.
I also want to share with you that one day I met a friend that I had pushed into the arms of a homosexual who no longer tolerated women but who found this one to his taste. She became pregnant and decided to have an abortion. As she had nobody to drive her there, I drove her to Montpellier without being aware of the pain that I was causing to my soul and hers.
Having fallen in love with a boy, after a few months we decided to live together. I therefore left Bézier so as to live with him on Seyne on the Sea because he had just gotten a job with a radio station. His employer asked me to work with him. My job consisted in seeking clients who would purchase advertising spots on the radio station. I began to have great success, contract after contract, and I earned a fair amount of money.
My life continued like that and we both lived common law without knowing that we were deeply hurting our soul since we were sharing our lives without the sacrament of matrimony.
As I feared having a child, I took the pill and began having all sorts of girlfriends who were living in debauchery, one of whom initiated me into beer and numerology.
After many months, I came to live in Marseille where they had offered me a position and quickly, no longer being interested in my work, I claimed sick leave and stopped working for many months. During these empty months, I lived a very licentious life, going out to nightclubs every night, drinking alcohol, dressed to the latest fashion and I had not only one lover, but dozens.
A few months went by and I went back to my work. Wanting to establish myself financially, I purchased an apartment close to a cousin who sometimes came to visit me. In order to be polite, I returned the favour and began meeting girlfriends one of whom was an astrologer and the other a Rosicrucian!
The astrologer proposed that I have my karma read! She explained that she would study my astrological reading on the basis of my previous lives and by studying my karma!
Some time went by, she came to my home and brought her final reading that she had studied. I read it and I understood it because in the meantime my cousin had led me to a spirit center In Marseille in which the leader spoke about karma, reincarnation, et cetera.... In this center, I found a book called “The Gospel according to Spiritualism”.
I studied and every week I went to follow the teachings. They spoke about various topics such as karma, reincarnation, spiritualistic studies, ouija, round table, UFFO’s, et cetera..
And now the leader one day proposed that all those who wished to do so would gather on Wednesday evenings for live session of spiritualism and as I was innocent, I accepted!.
And I began to see mediums who were going into a trance, who would receive messages from the Curé of Ars, Saint Padre Pio, Saint Theresa of the Child Jesus, the Mother of God and even from Christ and finally from our dear friends from outer space.
And there I was, next to the founder of the center because we would make a brotherly chain so that energy could travel between us so as to be better receivers. Something like batteries connected together.
However, I was not the only one not receiving messages. I simply received a few visions one of which was that of merciful Jesus and then it stopped!
During one session, the group leader proposed to those who wished it, to have a clean-up of their soul! As I suffered inwardly, as I really thought that I had some previous lives to purify, I told him that I gladly accepted his proposal and I thought that he would really liberate me from this strangle hold. At that moment, I did not know that I was a victim of a serious haunting of impure spirits because of my ill chosen paths in life, fortune telling, pendulum, astrology, horoscope, palm reading, initiation into yoga, esoteric meditation, opening of shakras, etc...
I therefore sat next to this initiate in esoterism who set his hand upon me, he who had powers that he acquired from Satan, upon two of my shakras! The shakra of the heart and that of the third eye!
Then he told me that he transmitted the light to me. But at that moment, I did not know that it was the light of Lucifer.
So I went home and began to feel upset. During the following session of spiritualism, I sat next to him and there I had a very difficult experience. The kundalini arose in me.
Kundalini is a powerful energy lodged in the sacrum bone (at the base of the back). When it is awakened, it climbs the spine and works from center to center right up to the coronary shakra situated at the top of the head.
You see, it’s easy to understand, but it’s not very catholic!
During this experience I had the impression that I would be taken to heaven such was the power of that energy. What I had not understood at that moment, was that the kundalini was a power of Satan that had penetrated me just as this power has entered in me when I was initiated into yoga. To explain a bit, Satan was directing my interior with these techniques. I had upset the Holy Spirit who could not remain within me because of my lack of humility.
Feeling more and more badly, I decided to abandon spiritualism and I received often the sacrament of the sick because, the shakras having been opened, I was between life and death.
Then I returned to Marseilles. Jesus showed me how my soul was enclosed within the Beast. At that particular time in my life, I no longer believed in heaven, purgatory and hell since I believed in reincarnation. But when He showed me hell with a crackling fire, I had to believe, as the CCC (Catechism of the Catholic Church) teaches us and I can assure you that I wholeheartedly cling to the resurrection. My thirst for knowledge was not sated; I spoke to my cousin about It who had spent a brief time in this center and she presented me to her other friend whom I mentioned was a Rosicrucian.
She told me that she had been affiliated with the Order of Rosicrucian for quite a while and that she had left it to take periods of meditation. I asked her for the address of the Rosicrucian and there was I, affiliated with this esoteric order.
After my affiliation, I began to receive monographs at the rate of 4 per month and as the teachings moved on, I was successful in many levels. At the 7th degree of the Temple, I stopped. As I always wanted to know more, and as I had listened to Satan’s voice “you will be as gods”, I decided to join a lodge in Marseille, where I had attended many initiations. But God who was watching me was there, waiting for me. You know, in my misery, he never abandoned me. God, Jesus, is Love!
In my esoteric study I studied some things, whether in my search in New Age, with the authors such Alice Bailey, H.P.Blavatsky or still in the Rusicrucian Order, for example the fundamental laws that govern the macrocosm and the microcosm, human conscience, the laws of life, vital forces, the wise ones of Greek Antiquity, Rosicrucian therapeutics, the psychic body of man, stellar travel, human aura, psychic centers, shakras, vocal sounds, mantras, etc... These studies delved me into pride. Satan was happy to have me lose my soul, but the mercy of God superabounded
in order to justify me.
Through these studies, I sought to learn and understand the God of my heart that we called “The cosmic one”.
But I did not understand anything. Imagine the love relationship that I had with that God! None! No burning contact of heart to heart.
Besides, the friends to whom I related in the New Age did not understand God better than I did, you know.
Certain people practice magnetism, eneagram, tantrism, interpretation of dreams, channeling seances, healing seances with beings of light, telepathy, telekinesis, pendulum, symbolism, all sorts of magic, hypnosis, psychic forces, New Age breathing, aura reading, all kinds of healing through the energy of crystals, transcendental meditation, other practices of reiki, while it has been banned by the American bishops. And I can assure you that when they understood and experimented that Satan had exercised his energy within them with his power, they surely ran to a priest for confession and to ask for prayers for deliverance.
And now comes a bolt of grace in my life!
I heard a voice while looking at a poster of the Sacred Heart of Jesus that was telling me: “My holy wounds will save you!”
I looked at Jesus with great love without being surprised by these words. Through this, Jesus was coming to warn me that he was going to help me find the way to salvation.
Not long after that, I met a friend who spoke to me about Medjugorje. She explained that it was a place of prayer where the Virgin Mary was appearing. So I decided to sign up with a pilgrimage leaving from Nice because in my interior, I felt a very strong call to come to that place. Rome is presently dealing with this cause.
During the trip, I felt very ill. I felt a great battle going on. Satan was grieved that I made this t\pilgrimage and he was making me suffer greatly in my interior. As soon as I took my first step in Croatia, I was filled with peace. So I ran to the church and there, I who was running away from the Church, I found myself in the middle of a hundred pilgrims who were adoring the Lord,. Before the Blessed Sacrament, I now fouind myself very small with my misery, before Jesus alive, body, blood, soul and divinity.
Upon leaving the church, I met a lady to whom I had related my licentious life and right there she told me: “You see my sister, you cannot be saved with the life that you are leading”.
So I told her: “What must I do?” And that is when she called upon me .to abandon the New Age practices as did the man whom I met and had explained to me that I was living in adultery. Then she told that confession would help me a lot!
Confession! I looked at her with my small eyes that doubted and were a bit frightened!
So I thought: confession to a priest? I really have to confess to a man who will hear all of my sins?
Then I thought it over and told my self that it may not be as hard as that.
The following day we planned on doing the stations of the cross. I did like my brothers and sisters and I followed them! We found ourselves before a path to climb, with rocks that I found quite high. I was looking at a few sisters and I saw them climb barefooted! I told myself! But where have ended up! All these people who climb these high rocks, but where are running to? Where are they going?
Apparently there was a goal to reach and that goal was a cross!
To go as far as this and tire oneself for about an hour so as to go and kiss a cross! So I told myself: Are they crazy for the love of God?
I followed them, but not without feeling a great spiritual battle. But with the grace of God, I found the strength to make it to the top and kiss the cross.
Dear brothers and sisters, it was the forerunner to my sweet return to Jesus.
I told myself that if a few fools of love would follow him so why not me?
There it is that I encountered the cross, a cross that no longer had a rose in the middle of it but on which was stretched out with much love: a man God we call Jesus, the Son of God, the Word made flesh.
I immediately remembered who Jesus was. My real saviour, my only master, the one who is the Way, the Truth and the Life!
A few days passed and I returned to France. At the time of my departure, the Blessed Virgin granted me a grace so powerful that I could not stop crying with heavy tears so much so, that my mother who was accompanying me looked at me with surprise, she who had always seen me play and laugh. So there I was, crying, I was crying and these tears burned my eyes!
Upon arriving in France, I stopped at Nice and went to pray at the chapel of Saint Rita whom I asked for help; Saint Rita being the saint of desperate causes, which was really my case.
Then I returned to Marseille and Jesus told me: “I am your only master. Listen to my Word, observe my commandments.”.
God’s commandments: I knew there were many, but it was impossible for me to remember them. Opening the Bible, I read them:
I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; you shall have no other gods before me....
You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name.....
Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy......
Honour your father and your mother.....
You shall not kill.....
You shall not steal.....
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour...
You shall not covet your neighbour’s wife...
You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbour...(Deut. 5, 6-21)
After reading this, I told myself that I had a lot of work to do for me to be faithful to God and to be able to go to paradise.
Then, I met the one who was to become my husband. He quite weirdly looked at me asking himself what I had really become! I told him then: “You know that you have to leave because you are already married in the Church: we don’t have the right to be joined”. So he looked at me even more weirdly, then he returned home one night, but he came back to see me very briefly. So I told him that if he wanted to come and stay at my place, he had to go and sleep in the side room. After hesitating, he accepted and I told him: “You know, I’m going to see a priest to tell him our story and he will help me on the path with you, as brother and sister, and I will see if it is possible to get a blessing since we cannot have the sacrament of matrimony. I asked for an appointment that I got and I got a priest who is young and inexperienced who told me: “Yes, I accept to give you a blessing for your civil marriage”. In short, months passed and we got married. The day of the blessing, I found it strange that my car did not want to make it to the church. The car jerked along and we managed to get there and when the blessing was finished, God made me understand that it was a lie! We went home, in our new home. We had just taken possession of a pretty house. I had stopped working so as to get to do something else in life. For a while, I had been feeling the urge to do something that would be humanitarian. I wanted to help my neighbour.
The second day of my civil marriage, I left the conjugal room, following a call from God who was asking me to be chaste. Imagine my despair! I had just married so to establish a family but God let me know that it was forbidden to procreate because I did not have the sacrament of matrimony. So, I remembered what that woman in Medjugorje had told me. She had forewarned me not to get married and I did it anyway as I was rebellious by nature.
The following day I looked for a confessor who greeted me with charity and I explained to him the life I was having.
He told me: “’You can only receive communion if you live as brother and sister, but you cannot remain in that situation for long. You have to consider leaving.”
Indeed, as we had no child together, there was no other reason for me to remain with the man who was the husband of another before God.
But I told myself: he is divorced, so he is free. But I learned that divorce does not dissolve a sacramental marriage. So I thought that I could maybe ask for an annulment from his first marriage and moreover I wrote to the Vatican the following year; they answered that there had to be a serious reason for that. I acknowledged before God that there was no valid cause given that both parties gave their consent at the time of the marriage. I also acknowledged that if I made this request I would have to give an account to God on the day of the particular judgement of my soul.
After having left the priest, on my way home, I began to feel much anguish because I had to speak to my husband who, in the past few hours, had just begun to be my brother! He accepted the situation with great difficulty, but accepted it anyway because it dealt with the salvation of his soul.
And also, he had been looking at me more and more weirdly because I had gone from mini skirts to begin wearing clothes with the colours of the Virgin Mary and from skirts that used to be very short as they were, they now nearly went right down to the shin.
And so I explained to him that I was gong to leave the Order Of Rosicrucians. He looked at me with a look of compassion because he was still part of it.
Convinced that I had been on the wrong path, I began tearing into small pieces all the books authored by the Rosicrucians, monographs, all the books on numerology, palm reading, fortune telling, etc... so much so that when my husband who had now become my brother came home, he grabbed me by the neck, squeezing me very hard. I really thought that he was going to strangle me but God was there to protect me.
In fact, we had a nice library that was filled with books that belonged to me as much as to him, since we were had everything in common. As his children would come to our home, I preferred to get rid of them so that they would not become poisoned with these false teachings that the Word of God asks us to avoid. Saint Peter, in his second letter spoke to us about false teachers.
And as I suffered in my interior, I began to have many masses offered for my soul and I remember that during one of these masses, the Holy Spirit would bring up to my conscience all the sins that I had committed since my childhood.
So I went to a priest who received me with great love but who was quite surprised to see me come with 5 or 6 pages of sins and that every time.
I began to recite my sins without looking at him because I was very ashamed at that time. If I could have slithered into the ground when naming them, I would have. So with my head lowered, I began saying them while stuttering and hesitating a little: heu.... I wore low cut dresses that were too provoking, I had many lovers, I took the pill, drugs, alcohol, I believed in reincarnation, I had impure and uncharitable words and thoughts, I spent my nights in nightclubs, I did not go to mass on Sunday, I did not perform my lenten duties, I spent too much money on clothing, I took one of my friends for an abortion, I consulted many clairvoyants and astrologers, I committed many sins of gluttony, I lied to my boss, I did not pray, I did not share with the poor, I had many New Age idols, television and music, I watched X-rated movies, movies with violence, scary movies, etc....
Having enumerated much more than that, I wondered if the priest would fall asleep as the confession was so long.
But no. He patiently listened to me and I thank him for that, because his patience and kindness encouraged me to continue to go to confession often, at least once a month.
Do you know that during my first confession, I did not know that God was behind the priest with all his fatherly love in order to forgive me and take me in his arms. It is only later on that I realized how this sacrament offered mercy and healing. What I did not know is that the demons who had penetrated me because of New Age techniques returned to hell during confession.
Dear brothers and sisters, more and more I felt the Jesus of love who was drawing me near Him in the tabernacle; it was irresistible and I spent my afternoons near him in order to speak to him and do the stations of the cross for the deliverance of the souls of purgatory. When we pray for the deceased, in turn, they pray for us.
Two years went by like that during which I began doing much apostleship for God and the Virgin Mary and then one day, while listening to a cassette on Saint Francis of Assisi, I was deeply touched by his life. From being rich as he was, he made himself poor like the Lord and I wanted to do the same. So with my first spiritual father, a Dominican priest, we decided that I would leave the home, that I would divorce since my marriage was not really one before God, so that I could move forward with the Lord. From that moment, I associated myself with many charismatic communities, the Carmel and the Order of the Poor Clares of which I was part for 15 months. It was a time of grace during which I was able to study the Bible, the catechism, and the lives of saints. Then I returned to the world to witness the great mercy that God had granted me.
For many years now, I have been going throughout the world to witness of the love of god, his Peace and his great Mercy. I made a pact of allegiance with the Virgin Mary in the MRI fraternity at Bois le Roi and that is why I wear a ring on my finger, and moreover, I freely wanted to consecrate myself to the Immaculate Heart of Mary, be vested with scapular of Mount Carmel, by the grace through which the Holy Virgin Mary protected me from many dangers.
Every morning for years, I went to church to do the stations of the cross. Then I attended Lauds before mass. During the day, I recite the rosary and the Saint Michael the Archangel chaplet and I also pray the Divine Mercy chaplet at 3.00 p.m. so as to implore the mercy of God for all my brothers and sisters that I love. You know, dear brothers and sisters, that no sin will exhaust the great mercy of God and the more we draw from it, the more it grows! Let none of you fear to approach Jesus of love, because the flames of his mercy burn in him and he wants to pour them out on you
I who, in Esoterism, knew a God without love, an energy God, I can witness to you that it is in the Catholic Church of Rome, the only one founded by Jesus of love on Saint Peter, that I encountered a God of tenderness whose heart melts with love for each one among us.
Many times Jesus had me know the depth of His heart into which I was transported so as to rest in His delicate tenderness and in His unequaled sweetness.
You know what, I told Jesus: “I give you my ‘Yes’ because I would like for all the souls to know your heart that burns with love. I give you all my old choices and their consequences so that you, The Love, you can ignite them in the Fire of tenderness and mercy”.
After having given my yes, I experienced in my interior an extraordinary mystical experience.
My soul found itself in a deserted place. Beneath me, there was hell where there was a large number of souls in a sea of fire. My soul immersed in this abyss knew that these souls were in Lucifer. I saw a hole with a crackling fire inside it. The damned were angry and very threatening when I looked at them.
Then I saw above me that there was purgatory; the flames were very high. Often times, these souls that are in a place of atonement have often spiritually comforted me, after I had prayed for them.
I then saw Jesus in heaven, surrounded by a nice light. He was beautiful. My soul felt a great peace and a great desire to move close to Jesus. I would have liked to remain near Him, such that I felt.
Since this experience, I have a burning desire for heaven and for the body of Christ. Jesus is so gentle and good. Many times He asked me to rest in His heart and gave me a taste of His delicate tenderness that makes me melt away.
For the last many months, God has been showing me my soul. My interior was opened and tears come to my eyes when I speak about it. During this mystical experience, I also heard about heaven as well as hell.
Satan hates every creature. I often hear him speaking to the Virgin Mary. He threatens her and tells her: “I will have all of them (the souls), I hate everybody, I would kill them all.” I hear his infinite hatred and the hatred of certain damned souls. It is horrible. They no longer want to know anything about us. They only think about hating, killing, destroying and damning us. I saw the work of the impure spirits in my heart. These souls that are sent by Lucifer worked all the time in our heart in order that we be lost eternally.
My soul often felt what the souls of the damned feel: the pains of hell. It is a horrible thing to live out. There is only hatred, despair and blasphemy.
My jeers, my pride, my contacts with men in order to enjoy the flesh had chained me to the impure spirits.
God showed me all my acts of adultery and I inhaled their evil odours and in my heart, I saw all the banes of my impurity to which Satan had bound me.
Notwithstanding my disloyalties to the love of Jesus, he told me that I was very precious to him and that I could not imagine how much he loved me and asked me to be nearer to him.
In my mystical experience, I carried within me all the sins that I had not yet confessed and this made me suffer very much. To counterbalance that, I go often to confession so as to no longer have to deal with them.
The power of God penetrated me so, that the eyes of my soul could be opened and there, light was cast on my entire life from my birth to the moment of this supernatural encounter with God. I strongly felt the love of God in me, His holy tenderness and all that He did for me in my life in order to bring me to conversion. He continually nourished me with his graces.
All the good that I have done has given me much joy and all the evil that I have done immersed me in a bitter sadness. Everything was shown to me.
I reviewed all those who suffered because of me and all those who made me suffer in my family, my friends, my teachers, my school companions, my directors. Through this experience, we can see everything and we feel the pains that others have felt because of our actions and what the others have had us endure. A great desire to make reparation was born in me.
Then I saw myself within a big snake and God told me: “Do penance”. The
snake was within me and Satan had placed his fire and his energies through my attachment to Esoterism and Spiritism. Inside this snake were the souls of the damned, one of whom I recognized. Around this snake, I saw the demons attacking my heart relentlessly through diabolical suggestions and the Virgin Mary told me that I had to resist the evil of Satan and his suggestions.
The snake had condemned me because I adored him and God told me: “You are worshiping Satan”. That meant that within me, I had the love for power, for money and the pleasure of the flesh.
Besides that, I also saw the love that God had placed in me at my confirmation.
I saw all the shortcomings of the love that I had not given during my life and I suffered much because of it. The Holy Virgin then invited me to give more love for my neighbour.
I saw the least details of my thoughts, especially the thoughts that were not love for my neighbour. During my life, I had a lot of contempt, having been very wounded during my childhood. God told me: “I know all your thoughts”. When in God’s light, all our thoughts spring up. Although I had confessed, I heard them all through the power of the Holy Spirit. So I asked God to have mercy on me. I gave Him all these thoughts for Him to help me to transform them into a thought of love.
All my evil thoughts came from my interior. So I gave all their consequences to God. We cannot imagine the power of one thought. I had nourished thoughts of envy, destruction, vengeance, cheating, sloth. My thoughts of vengeance had contributed to making my soul suffer much.
When the mystical experience continued, I saw that I often sank into the abyss because of not forgiving, because of my stubbornness in thinking about beings God had asked me to avoid. Lucifer often blinded me with stars or with beings who had a nice appearance but who had within them a live demon just like I was, and I can assure you that I saw my interior as looking like Judas.
I often delved into the abyss because of my ill feelings towards certain priests who had not been good for me. The Holy Virgin had forewarned me. So I began to pray for them. Priests are the apple of the eye for Jesus. They are sons of predilection for Our Lady. Satan wants them to fall mostly because of the flesh and he often unleashes himself against them so that they will be lost. That is why we must pray a lot for their protection.
I saw the souls of those who are in the sects enwrapped in the Beast that keeps them under its pride and domination. He also hangs on to the souls of those who were baptized in the Catholic Church and who left him to go elsewhere. These souls are manipulated from the interior but they have no knowledge of it.
God and the Virgin Mary asked me to make many sacrifices so that they will see the light and they will seek forgiveness. The preferred prayer of Jesus is the rosary. After having recited it one day, Jesus told me: “The rosary will save you”. Jesus also let me know that He prayed for our liberation while we pray the rosary when united with Him.
Then I saw my judgements and condemnations of others so much so, that each time that I judged or condemned someone, my soul condemned itself with these people. A soul is well only when in love. The Virgin Mary told me then: “We must love”. And Jesus told me: “Keep yourself from judging others”. “Remain in my love”.
God also showed me that I condemned myself every time that I obstinately thought about beings that did not live in His Will. On earth, there is the army of God who are the “little ones”. These are those who give their yes to love and who do the will of God. There are also the children of the no who refuse love and mercy. They refuse to live within the commandments that God gave us. God suffers much for these souls that refuse and He made me feel his pain that is terrible. God loves them so much. There are years when I suffer for these souls about whom God told me one day: “Never stop praying for them”. “Pray for my Passion”. “Think only of loving me”. “Think only of Me”. God wants us to give Him a lot of souls through prayer. That is why I often pray the Divine Mercy chaplet.
This mystical experience made me realize that I was disobedient towards each of the commandments of God: I had many idols (money, creatures...) I would pronounce the name of God in vain, I did not go to mass on the Sabbath, I did not honour my family, I stole, I killed with my words, I lied, I committed all kinds of impure thoughts and I envied the material goods of others. In spite of this wretchedness, God, in his great Kindness told me that I was his great beauty and that I was dear to Him. Then he told me: “Do not betray me any more. Do not sin any more”.
Then I also saw all the evil gestures done in my life and to which Satan had bound me, gestures against God, against my neighbour and against myself, such as dominations, my manipulations, my revolts, my abusing alcohol and drugs, my lack of sharing.
As I had committed many sins of impurity with my hands and my body, I was engulfed in hell. So Jesus, in his infinite kindness told me: “You are bathing in my blood”. The precious blood was extinguishing in me the hatred that Satan had planted there.
God then told me: “I am a father filled with love for my children”. He has so much love that he spilled all his blood to save us and he endured thousands of blows during his passion in order to atone for our sins. That is why we must call on the Father as our only Father of heaven as there is no greater love that to give one’s life for one’s children.
When we got to the point of examining the sins committed with my eyes, what sadness it was for my soul to know that God had seen me watching X-rated movies and horror films. I then knew the damage that the impure spirits incurred on my soul. I then felt very much pain and the Blessed Virgin asked me to resist Satan with television and I offered that as a sacrifice. I sinned a lot with my eyes by watching beings and experiencing desire for them! God then told me: “Do not desire them”. “You must destroy the desire”. My soul equally suffered for having given in to certain readings in worldly magazines, reading horoscopes...
I also had to confront my own gazes: haughty, mocking, hateful.
When we came to the examination of sins that I had committed through hearing, what sadness I experienced knowing that all the evil conversations which I had held and the evil music to which I listened had bound me to impure spirits.
My soul often went to the bottom of the abyss for having laughed at various things that offend God and for having jested with words instead of maintaining silence. Then I felt much pain knowing that I had offended God with my words. I often jested with beings and even with God: I used words in bad taste, I criticized everything and even spoke bitterly to God about certain creatures. So much so that God said: “Do not laugh at them”.
I was shown all my words, even those that I spoke within myself, that I said against God, against my neighbour and against myself, such as my unkind comments, my dark humour, my lies, my blasphemies, my insults, my hurtful words, my insolence, my slanders, my accusations.
When I relived my various accusations against my brothers and myself, Jesus showed me my soul as it accused the others and myself. I was playing the role of God’s enemy.
So He told me: “Do not accuse” then “Do not accuse yourself before Me”.
I was accusing myself before God for sins that I had committed but that God had already erased during confession.
He then asked me to give Him much love.
What Jesus wants is love from his creatures. I would also accuse my brothers and sisters and I played Satan’s game. When I began to pray for them, God spread so much love and mercy in my heart for them that I began to pray for all those whom I met and God added: “Never cease to pray to Me for them through my Passion”. God loves all His souls so much.
As I continued with this supernatural experience, I was shown my vanity and my worldly spirit. I was very proud concerning looks, loving luxury, beautiful wardrobe, makeup, very expensive perfumes, and as long as I did not go back to the natural look, my soul suffered. The Holy Virgin then asked me to be humble and to ignore myself and Jesus said: “Grasp onto poverty”.
Concerning my acts of disobedience, I saw those since my childhood. Those that struck me the most are those concerning my parents. These acts brought about many negative consequences in my life and little by little I left the Church and the sacraments. By encouraging me to break with obedience, Satan succeeded with his plan to have me remain aloof of God’s great mercy, which is his greatest attribute.
My soul also searched itself concerning the Eucharist: it sometimes happened that I did not pay sufficient attention to the real Presence of Jesus in me and I experienced the indifference that I had towards Christ. God showed me that he was happy that I received him while kneeling and directly on the tongue.
I also saw all my hypocritical actions, especially those against God: I had taken a vow of chastity, but I often had thoughts about adultery. I also had to deal with my deceits towards those who are poor and what shame it was for me to have wanted to purchase a very expensive home while so many poor people suffer from hunger. God even showed me that I had an unoccupied room in my present apartment while one of my friends did not even have one for herself. I had to give an exact account of the money that I had possessed during my lifetime and that I had spent uselessly. So Jesus told me: “Share, my daughter”. So I wanted to give everything to the poor but the Holy Virgin told me that I did not have to cast off everything completely. I therefore kept the bare minimum for the necessary things in my life.
When God showed me all my contempt, I saw myself as very ugly in my interior and then He told me: “Let go of your contempt”. “Think only of loving”.
By taking a close look in my interior, I saw flames surrounding my soul and something like smoke was escaping. It was the smoke of evil spirits that kept me bound. So the Holy Virgin told me that she would liberate me from all these demons and she did it when I began fasting and praying the rosary.
God also showed me my evil deeds and my jealousy. So He asked me to be very good, to divest myself of some things and disown myself.
I saw the consequence of my sins of jealousy. I wanted to kill the person against whom I had committed this sin. It was horrible. I also wanted to tear out the hair of the person. The capital or mortal sins had transformed me into a living beast and I also saw that after killing someone else that I was killing myself by attacking my own heart. It was really horrible.
God also showed me my sins with all the beings that I had met. As some were negative, He told me “Beware of your company”, not that He did not love those souls, because He loves them all, but because He wanted to shield me from their actions. He told me: “No longer sully yourself”. I had indeed sullied myself with many people. I had many homosexual friends. God will save them if they accept to live in chastity. Then He asked me to become attached to no one.
God also purified me concerning food. He asked to eat right. His advice was: “eat well, but not too much”. I acknowledged that I ate a little bit too much. He also warned me about not eating too much during Lent. I once again saw these sins of gluttony during my youth because I ate a lot of sweets. So God asked me to be reasonable.
Finally God showed me all that was not love in me. Some of my prayers were without love. So I promised Him to correct that especially by daily reciting the act of love “Jesus, Mary, I love you, save souls”. Each time that this prayer is prayed with the heart, the Holy Virgin Mary presents a soul to her divine Son who comes to save it.
Throughout this mystical experience, I can witness that my soul was judging itself. God himself was looking at me and was not judging me, He remain silent. God is love.
I had the opportunity to see my guardian angel. Its presence was very benevolent. I was often saddened by my impious life. I often call upon him to come to my aid in all of my missions.
After having lived through this experience, I gave all my mistakes in taking this path with their consequences for God to heal them deeply. He promised to heal me, but He did it over a span of years.
When I relived all of my life, I saw that Satan constantly accused me of all my sins in order to make me lose my peace. But, in his infinite kindness, God granted me peace for all the sins that I had confessed and mostly those for which I had a perfect contrition.
As I had confessed my sins, God’s gaze on me was one of kindness and mercy. A few times, I saw the severe gaze of God,. It is terrible for those who refuse to repent. He who does not want to pass through the gate of divine mercy must pass through the gate of Justice. He told me: purgatory is the mercy of God and hell, His justice.
After having lived all that I was to live so as to witness to it, I reiterated my total Yes to Jesus and Mary, with complete freedom. God respects our free will. He never imposes anything. He proposes salvation to us. Many times I have deeply felt the love and tenderness of Jesus. The times when I cried, he cried in me. When I was happy, he smiled in me. He is so holy and good and I often beseeched Him, telling Him: “Father Jesus, save my soul”. So He told me: “My name is Yeshouah”.
I wish for every person to encounter profoundly this God of love who is Jesus CHRIST who revealed himself to me by saying “I am the Son of God”.
His heart is burning with love and he tells us all the time “I LOVE YOU, COME TO ME”.
Saint Michael the Angel help me a lot during this great purification; he told me that he does not like pride.
Daily I try to pray the chaplet to the choir of angels and Saint Michael helps me spiritually to proceed on the road to paradise.
Dear brothers and sisters, will you respond to the call of love of God who comes to tell each personally “Come in Me, my tender child. I am your God of Love. I offer you eternal happiness. Give me your yes. I love you”
In conclusion, dear brothers and sisters, I wish for you to deeply encounter this God of love who is Jesus-Christ through Eucharistic adoration and sacramental communion
Blessed be Jesus. Amen!